I had lunch with the boys today and had a plan to go watch movie later on, but when I came home, my brother told me that my family was going out for sushi during dinner. So i told the boys that I'll go after dinner. Then my brother suddenly told us he had tuition at 6.00 till 7.30, so we changed dinner to 7.30. The movie starts at 8.40, so I told the boys that I'll see if I can make it after dinner or not, and if I couldn't I would not go.

During dinner, my brother and I finished early but my parents were still eating, so was Mandy. It was already 8.25, I went outside the restaurant and I called Teck to tell him that I might not be able to make it unless someone picks me and my brother up from Gadong to Kuilap. But Teck was already in Kuilap so I called Seng and he was over at the arcade. When I got back into the restaurant, for some reason they started counting the plates and giving us the bill, my mum told me to feed my sister and so i did. Then suddenly Seng texted me and asked to meet at McD. I asked him to give me another five minutes.

When I finished feeding Mandy, I told my parents that I'm leaving and I told Mandy too. She then started crying saying that she didnt want me to go. My parents looked unhappy, and ... erm well basically pissed off. I'm so undecisive, wondering if i should go or not. When i saw Mandy cry i told him (Seng) that I wasnt going anymore, then Cindy asked me to leave because no matter what Mandy will still cry. Called Seng again to tell him i was coming. Then when i was about to go, she cried even louder calling out 'da jie da jie' and all, so I called Seng and told him I'm not going again. But then I remembered that Teck had already bought the tickets and my dad went over to cry Mandy and asked me to go, so I left.

The car came and i felt so heavy hearted, so guilty and so so disappointed in myself. The whole way to Kuilap, (even if i was squished in a Nissan Latio like a can of sardines with four guys already inside, having to fit my brother and I again.) i felt so bad inside. I wanted to get out of the car while I still could but I couldnt because Teck and Ang were waiting. So I went.

Tried to get home as sooon as possible, I didnt even feel like going for yarm cha with them, all I wanted to do was to go home.

When I got home I was prepared to get lectured by both my parents. But when I got into their room, all they said to me was 'Eh? So early one?' They didnt look angry or pissed off at all. But I have this gut feeling that is telling me that they're actually really disappointed in me because they had the dinner for me, because I wont be having sushi in Aussie, because I loved sushi so much they're willing to go once a week for me instead of their usual once in a fortnight.

I hate this feeling! I feel so bad I dont know what to do! They dont look mad but I know they're disappointed in me. It feels like shit! Is this my gut feeling? My conscience? Its hurts and it feels so horrible. I've disappointed my parents and myself. I hate me, what I did and what I didnt do, which was get out of that car while i still can.

Labels: Brunei, Outings